What L’wren Scott’s Death has to do with You and Your Money
The death of American fashion designer L’wren Scott touched many of us deeply. Her story serves as a reminder that debt and financial turmoil are issues faced by so many people – even those seemingly successful and outwardly confident.
And while she will likely be remembered most for her iconic fashion designs and as the long-time girlfriend of Mick Jagger, may Scott’s legacy also be that money shame is nothing to be ashamed about.
The truth is that we will never really know for sure the role that her reported financial troubles played in her decision to end her life. Yet, her story presents an opportunity to shed light on the emotional toll that money can have on any of us—whether we’re making $6 million or are in debt by $6 million, or likely somewhere in between.
But who wants to talk about money? No one, and that’s exactly the problem.
Despite the fact that money seems to permeate every aspect of our lives—from our relationships to our businesses to sometimes even our self-worth—we are often given the message that it’s not something that’s safe to discuss. (As some people say, the only thing harder to talk about than money is sex.)
Not surprisingly, the subject becomes even more taboo when we’re dealing with a situation that causes us to feel badly about ourselves, such as money loss, being swindled (aka Bernie Madoff) or having significant debt, as in the case of L’wren Scott’s company.
But the less we talk about our money issues, the more our bad feelings grow—and the worse our financial situation often becomes. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown writes, “If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment.”
To stop money shame from growing exponentially, therefore, we need to put an end to secrecy, silence and judgment… by practicing the opposite.
Here’s how:
1) The opposite of secrecy is truth-telling. That begins with telling the truth to yourself. Be 100% honest about how much debt you are in, how much money you lost, etc. No matter how dire your situation may be, it’s amazing how much relief you’ll feel from simply making the choice to stop avoidant behavior and face the numbers head on once and for all.
2) The opposite of silence is communication. Once you are honest with yourself, it’s time to share the truth with others. That doesn’t mean a confession-free-for-all to the stranger who happens to be sitting next to you on the train ride home. What it does mean is to actively reach out to people who you know will support you. That may be a trusted friend, a debt counselor, coach, advisor or even a financial support group to help ease the burden of carrying the weight of a stressful money situation by yourself.
3) The opposite of judgment is acceptance. You cannot control the judgment of others. However, you can control how you judge yourself. Forgive yourself for any money mistakes you may have made in the past and ask yourself what you can learn from them, instead of continuing to beat yourself up.
Your greatest critic is often yourself. Simply making the decision to change your self-talk so that it is more compassionate and accepting is one of the most courageous first steps you can take toward getting yourself out of debt and building money resilience.
And there’s no shame in that.
(This article was first published in the Dream Do Savor Magazine)