How Going to Dinner with Friends Can Make You Money Savvy

It’s a familiar scene. You’re at a restaurant with a group of friends, laughing, maybe ending the meal with a glass of wine, when the waiter arrives and places that black vinyl sleeve with the night’s bill in the center of the table. Everyone casually glances at it, then continues the conversation and waits. . . until someone finally – and usually reluctantly – volunteers to calculate how much each person owes.

With women especially, I often sense a bit of unease, with at least one person needing to go to the bathroom right at that moment, or intently looking through her purse, perhaps hoping she’ll fly under the radar and avoid being handed the dreaded task. Sometimes, there’s even a self-deprecating remark like, “I’m not good at math. Someone just tell me what I owe.”

Dealing with money and math, particular in front of other people, can make someone run for the hills – or at least the ladies room.

Perhaps it conjures up embarrassing memories of standing in front of the chalkboard in middle school algebra class. Or maybe it reminds you of that one question you happened to answer incorrectly when presenting to your boss that you’re still beating yourself up for. Or it could simply be that someone else always volunteers first, so why not let them?

Whatever it is, even a simple money question like figuring out the restaurant bill at the end of the evening can bring up a money story, causing you to fumble, fluster or just be slightly relieved when someone else grabs the check.

If this sounds like you, try this instead:

•  When the bill arrives and the time’s appropriate, be the person who takes the initiative and starts figuring out who owes what
•  Don’t be shy about using the calculator on your phone if necessary. (I almost always do this. I used to feel like I needed to look smart and do it all in my head but then I decided that I didn’t care and now just whip out my calculator.)
•  Catch yourself if you are about to use self-deprecating humor or talk critically to yourself. If it takes you longer to figure out who owes what, who cares! If you forget to add in the tip, just do it at the end! If you miss out on part of the gossip as you add up the bill, ask someone to fill you in after!

Here’s why it’s important:

Allowing oneself to be even remotely intimidated by a restaurant bill can reinforce negative beliefs around money and lead to patterns of avoidance.

Even if you are not intimated but just let other people do it out of sheer habit, it’s important to take the initiative sometimes anyway.

Similar to Sheryl Sandburg’s advice for women in the workplace, it’s like practicing “leaning in” with regard to money matters. It helps to build your confidence and see yourself in a different light – as someone who takes action and isn’t always in the background.

So the next time you’re out to dinner with friends, lean in and pick up that check confidently at the end of the meal. Your middle school math teacher will be proud.

Are there areas of your finances where you need to “lean in” and take more initiative? Schedule a consult today to find out what steps you can take today.